I would often feel it would be easier to just sleep and not wake up. I felt shame, it led me to another pedophilia person, who took advantage of me. I then had three failed relationships where all three rejected me, but just confined to sex! Sexual problems or sexual dysfunction can refer to a wide range of issues, including decreased sexual desire, premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction. He still struggles with understanding why a person with such an extensive history of sexual abuse would willingly put herself in multiple sexual situations. My girlfriend has recently found out about my past and more like my present I had been messaging people both men and women I met up with some of them and I have always wondered why I do the things I do why I seem to be so sexual so selfish so confused I am just wondering does this make sense can my adult sexual escapades really be that affected by what happened to me when I was 14? But should I try? A trained professional may use therapeutic hypnotherapy to help you manage pain, anxiety, addictive behaviors, or posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I don't want her back but our kids need their mom. The one “good” thing that came of this is that the sexual abuse stopped after this because I think my mom somehow found out about this meeting at school, which is why she didn’t want me to go. When I finally had the right meds, and the right therapist, I finally felt like a person. I used to play out with other kids and one particular boy who was 8 years older than me who went to a private boarding school and so would only be home at school holidays and the odd weekends. If nobody on here knows then does anybody know who might know?? Promiscuity, therefore, can also lead to shame, shallow relationships and be labeled as a number of awful terms (that I am sure you could list). I really have allowed it to dominate much of my life and have soured many friendships by behaving inappropriately, and I still do more's the pity. I think I was terrified of the idea of being taken away from my mother and brothers ( my dad was my abuser). I would love to meet more survivors who were hypersexual, or who didn’t have their sexuality this impacted at all. I never told the truth to my parents or other family members. But for now, I will continue to remain quiet and take at least a little solace in knowing that he is a miserable person with a miserable life. I do not know if I had ever been sexually abused physically as a child or not. I wish I had known that a good therapist would not be surprised or judgemental about anyone's trauma or behaviors. Feb 15, 2013 I remember the cold dirt underneath my bottom. (still haven’t). Would it help or cause more hurt? Strangely though I seem to have developed very caring and close relationships with women who have been abused or raped at critical young ages and I have always been a supportive and caring friend in their lives, and draw a huge amount of pride in that. It felt very exciting to me as my sexuality was starting to develop and I learnt to masturbate at a very young age way before I could ejaculate. A common example of behavior viewed as promiscuous by many cultures is the one-night stand, and its frequency … It didn’t make sense to me why I had engaged in hypersexuality when I was a long time victim of sexual abuse. But I feel as maybe it is. But how would I know if childhood sexual abuse is the reason why if I don't remember. I'm just learning to heal in the way you have and knowing I'm not alone and ill be understood is of huge significance. Seeking sexual pleasure can be a coping mechanism to avoid and divert away from getting into touch with deeper held emotions related to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. So close to my story. She'll cry that she wants me back and minutes later says that she doesn't want to be around me. My face turned bright red and it was the most humiliating experience I had ever had, and it made me feel like I deserved anything bad that came my way. active shooter; sexual assault) or chronic, recurring traumatic events (i.e. PTSD and/or anxiety ; Depression and thoughts of suicide ; Sexual anxiety and disorders, including promiscuity; Difficulty maintaining appropriate boundaries with others, including enmeshed or avoidant relationships; Poor body image and low self-esteem ; The use of unhealthy behaviors, such as alcohol abuse, drug abuse, self-mutilation, or bingeing and … here. there was this teen boy Raul i don't remember how or why but I ended up alone with him underneath an empty apartment. I dunno how long it would take for me to heal. A couple of years passed and I left that relationship, finding myself in group homes, one of which I was raped once more. The downside of this pattern is that, over time, more drastic, chronic, or habitual avoidant behaviors are often used to continue pushing away emotions and feelings that “trigger” vulnerability or emotional engulfment. I wish you the very best. It has been a grueling and difficult journey to heal and make peace with all the Trauma and bad choices that came from the abuse. You have asked a great question. … It's hard to not share with my 13 year old daughter. I hope you consider that there is a possibility the woman you love is still there, and that she is buried under whatever has triggered her. He and I have been working tirelessly to mend our marriage and regain trust for one another. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71(5), 899–914. Except running home. Beginning to feel that the daily struggle is pointless and a total failure. But a part of me wants to know. (2013). As a teen I wore baggy clothes, I hated when men looked at me, I get up as a tom boy. Before than I smarted off to my then boyfriend and he drug me out of my car & heldme hostage for the night. To this day I struggle to keep a job or know what direction to go. I stayed in what was essentially an emotionally abusive marriage for 33 years, then when I was no longer able to work full time (I knew that to him the money I was able to earn was more important than the person I was), he left me when I was 55 years old. 2021 HealthyPlace Inc. All Rights Reserved. Because these feelings and experiences can cause more stress, avoiding situations or people who “trigger” vulnerable emotions — from love, to anger, to fear or shame — is commonly reported. … I'm having trouble drawing a line between his choices and my influence on him as a mother. I even cheated on a fiancé and lost that relationship. After being married 15 years, all my past came out and led to me realizing i had been sexually abused as a child. Work on processing the memories that you do have. And my younger cousin he recovered leaps and bounds ahead of me, that's what really bothers me, he's had girlfriends, social life, entered a career almost at the same time as me and is aiming high, so I'm not mad or anxious or depressed, just confused and cheated: Why was me the one stuck for so long while my abuser and my victim became better people than now I can aim to be. To this day I have struggled with low self esteem, depression, anger,anxiety, ocd behaviors and have never felt good enough. Sex became an escape on several levels. Annie Tanasugarn, Ph.D., BCBA, is a recognized psychologist, Board Certified Behavior Analyst, and Certified Life Coach. I have no idea whether my early sexualisation impacted me or not but I have always since then been a lover of sex and I still am and am in a very loving and sexually active relationship.